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APRIL 2012 | HOT RODS HAVE NO "RULES"


YES IT'S OUR DREADED " PATINA " LOOK THAT CAUSES THE FRENZIED  RESPONSE TO THE POINT OF  INTERNAL HEMORRHAGING AND VERBAL DIARRHEA                   
                             
ALL THESE YEARS AND WE NEVER KNEW THERE WAS A RULE BOOK
                                                                                  RULES ? ? ? 
                                                                 HOT RODS HAVE NO RULES ! ! ! 


 


                                                                                           
     
MANY YEARS AGO , LONG BEFORE THE INTERNET , THE I PHONE , THE PC , THE CELL PHONE AND ALL THE REST LIFE WAS OH SO MUCH SIMPLER.   
                                             CARS -  EVERY YOUNG BOY'S LIFE  REVOLVED AROUND THEM  
NO ONE HAD TO TELL YOU THAT KID WITH THE ROLLED UP SLEEVES AND THE D A HAIRCUT ( that stands for ducks ass for those of youse that ain't old as Mr. Bones )  DRIVIN' THAT LOUD , CHOPPED , TIRE SQALLIN'  BAD ASS PRIMMERED COUPE WAS " KOOL " HE WAS THE ONE WHO DROVE THE LOCAL FUSS NUTZ ( that's police for youse youngun's ) AND GOT THE BEST LOOKIN' CHICKS ( that's girls for youse cell phone'rs  ) .  HE WAS THE ONE YOUR MOTHER WARNED YOU ABOUT . HE WITH HIS HOT ROD WAS ON HIS WAY STRAIGHT TO HELL . 
     HOT RODS WERE A DETRIMENT TO SOCIETY, THEY WERE  DANGEROUS AND YOU COULDN'T WAIT TO BUILD ONE OF YOUR OWN !!!!!
    BACK THEN WHEN OLE MR. BONES WAS JUST A SNOT NOSED KID RIDING SHOTGUN WITH  HIS OLDER BROTHER WHO WAS EVERY THING HIS MOTHER WARNED HIM ABOUT AND MORE. THERE WAS NONE OF THE AFTERMARKET 1-800-SEND IT BOLT ON STUFF. YOU BOUGHT WHAT YOU COULD AFFORD USUALLY A MODEL A OR MAYBE A 39 OR 40 COUPE. , DEUCES WERE USUALLY THE STUFF OF THE OLDER GUYS WHO WERE TWENTY OR SO . YOU KNOW THE " HOODS " ( that not the same as growing up "  in the hood " or being "  from the hood "  back then a HOOD was the guy described above . you know , a pack of lucky's rolled up in his sleeve , white tee shirt because there weren't any car shirts back then , rolled up cuffs on his jeans  , engineer boots and  grease under his nails  ) 
    RULES ? THERE WERE NO RULES IF ANYTHING IT WAS ABOUT ANTI - RULES AND BEING A REBEL , AN OUTLAW OR HOODLUM .  BUILDING A HOT ROD ( back then most everyone built their own . there were NO hot rod shops that Mr. Bones or anybody he ran around with knew of ). IF YOU WANTED ONE YOU BUILT IT . OH I SUPPOSE THERE WERE A FEW AROUND FOR SALE AFTER A WHILE BUT WHO COULD AFFORD ONE THAT WAS ALREADY BUILT . NOPE AS MR. BONES REMEMBERS JUST ABOUT EVERYONE BUILT THEIR OWN , SURE YOU WERE INFLUENCED BY OTHERS AND SURE THERE WAS THE GENERAL THEME OF STRIPING AN OLD CAR OF ANY THING UNNECESSARY AND PUTTING A SOUPED UP  ENGINE UNDER THE HOOD ( an old car was 25 or so years old back then and souped up refers to today's " built " engines )  BUT THERE SIMPLY WAS  NO LIST OF THE " RIGHT " PARTS , NO YOU HAVE TO DO IT " THIS WAY " NO YOU HAVE TO HAVE " THESE " WHEELS , NO YOU CAN ONLY PAINT IT " THIS WAY " IN SHORT THERE WAS - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - -
                               " NO DAMN RULE BOOK " YOUR HOT ROD WAS YOU !!!!!!! 
                                 YOUR HOT ROD WAS THE REBEL AND THE REBEL WAS YOU
                                 YOUR HOT ROD WAS THE HOODLUM AND THE HOODLUM WAS YOU
                                 YOUR HOT ROD WAS THE OUTLAW AND THE OUTLAW WAS YOU
    NOW YOU CAN CALL OLE MR. BONES OLD SCHOOL OR VINTAGE , OR OLD HAT , OR OUT OF TOUCH , OR ALL THEM FOUR LETTER WORDS  A LOT OF PEOPLE CALL HIM BUT IN THE END YOU WILL NEVER UN - CONVINCE HIM THAT A HOT ROD , A REAL HOT ROD , IS AN EXTENSION OF YOU. 
    NOW  MR. BONE'S OLDER BROTHER WAS BORN IN 1940 AND BY THE TIME HE WAS 12 HE LOOKED 16 AND AT 14 HE PASSED FOR 20. HE WAS A TALENTED YOUNG MAN WHO AT A MUCH EARLIER  THEN LEGAL DRIVING AGE  COULD MAKE LICENSE PLATES OUT OF CARDBOARD THAT COULD PASS AT A NOT VERY FAR DISTANCE FOR THE REAL DEAL. ( no , before you ask he never did make them professionally BUT HE CAME CLOSE ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION )  SO HERE WAS THIS YOUNG IMPRESSIONISTIC MR. BONES RIDING ALONG FROM ABOUT 1953 OR 54 UNTIL HE HAD A HOT ROD OF HIS OWN WITH A HOODLUM FOR AN OLDER BROTHER. I MEAN HOW MANY OF YOU CAN BRAG ABOUT HOW THE COPS DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO CHASE YOUR OLDER BROTHER THEY JUST WAITED IN THE DRIVEWAY FOR US TO SHOW UP. 
                                                                            MY PARENTS WERE SO PROUD. 
 
   ALL THIS REMINISCING ASIDE WE WERE ALL CAR CRAZY BACK THEN , WE READ CAR MAGAZINES THE MINUTE THEY SHOWED UP ON THE NEWS STAND AND WE COULDN'T GET ENOUGH OF THE COVERAGE OF THOSE HOT RODS THAT RACED IN THOSE MAGICAL PLACES LIKE EL MIRAGE , MUROC AND THE MOST SACRED OF ALL BONNEVILLE . 
    WE NEVER DID MAKE IT TO THOSE PLACES BACK THEN BUT AS WE GOT OLDER AND HAD MORE MONEY WE BUILT THE BEST HOT RODS WE COULD . THEY WERE FAST , THEY WERE KOOL AND WITH AN OLDER BROTHER FOR A HERO WHO WAS ALSO AN OLD SCHOOL  BODY MAN AND PAINTER THEY WERE SHINNY . SO SHINNY IN FACT THAT IN THE STREET ROD QUARTERLY COVERAGE OF THE FIRST STREET ROD NATIONALS THEY WERE DESCRIBED AS HAVING " FOOT DEEP " PAINT JOBS .
   WHY YOU ASK IS MR. BONES RAMBLING ON  ? WHAT'S HIS POINT , WELL IT'S SIMPLE . 
                                                                                     YOUR HOT ROD IS YOU
WHEN WE WERE KIDS WE BUILT THE BARE BONES HOT RODS THAT SAID " THIS IS WHO I AM " 
IN THE LATE SIXTIES WE BUILT SHINNY PAINTED , CHROME PLATED HOT RODS THAT SAID " THIS IS WHO I AM "
ABOUT FIFTEEN YEARS AGO THAT SAME OLDER BROTHER AND MR. BONES COULDN'T GET THOSE MEMORIES OF THOSE MAGICAL PLACES SO FAR AWAY  OUT OF OUR MINDS . SO WE STARTED TO BUILD ONE OF THOSE HOT RODS WE SO MUCH ADMIRED BACK THEN. 
   KEITH FELL IN WITH US ABOUT THEN WITH THE SAME THOUGHTS AND SOON THERE WERE TWO DRY LAKES STYLE HOT RODS UNDER WAY. 
   ONCE COMPLETE WE DROVE THE HELL OF THOSE TWO COUPES AND IT SEEMS THAT IN THE NEUTERED SEA OF SAMENESS THAT HAD BECOME STREET RODDING THEY TOUCHED A CORD WITH MORE THAN A FEW . IT WAS'NT LONG BEFORE WE STARTED BUILDING OUR VERSION OF THOSE EARLY LAKES HOT RODS FOR OTHERS.
  IT BEGAN WITH THE DENNIS VARNI 32 TUDOR AND WITH THAT IT SOON BECAME CLEAR THAT WE WEREN'T BUILDING JUST ANOTHER  " HOT ROD FOR SOME GUY THAT WOULD BLEND IN WITH THE HERD " .  BY THE TIME WE FINISHED DENNIS'S SEDAN WE HAD FOUR , MY 575 COUPE , KEITH'S 59 COUPE , MY 232 ROADSTER AND DENNIS'S 193 TUDOR . THEY WERE SISTERS , EACH HAD THEIR OWN " LOOK "  BUT ALL WERE COOKED IN THE SAME KETTLE OF GOW . 
                                                        AND SO THE ROLLING BONES STYLE WAS BORN
     WITH THE COMPLETION OF EACH HOT ROD A NEW SISTER IS BORN AND A ANOTHER MEMBER JOINED THE BONES FRATERNITY .   BOTH  HUMBLING AND JUST FLAT KOOL AT THE SAME TIME WE FULLY UNDERSTAND HOW FORTUNATE WE ARE TO BE IN THIS TRULY UNIQUE POSITION . IT'S SOMETHING WE STAY TRUE TWO AND PROTECT .  
                                                     NOW THERE IS ONE TEENSY WEENSY LITTLE PROBLEM HOWEVER
    WE CAN NOT FIND THE DAMN RULE BOOK . THERE MUST BE ONE CAUSE THE MORE HOT RODS WE BUILD THE MORE THE GUYS WITH THE RULE BOOK DO THEIR BEST TO SET US STRAIGHT . PERHAPS THE BIGGEST POINT OF CONTENTION WITH MANY OF THE RULES EXPERTS IS THEIR ALMOST MANIACAL HATRED OF OUR ATTEMPT TO GIVE THE HOT RODS WE BUILD A CERTAIN FEEL WITH THE PAINT AND CHROME FINISH.  YES IT'S OUR DREADED " PATINA "  LOOK THAT CAUSES THE FRENZIED RESPONSE AND INTERNAL HEMORRHAGING TO THE POINT OF TERMINAL VERBAL DIARRHEA .   
   ONE NEED ONLY  SEARCH  THE WORD PATINA ON THE HAMB TO UNDERSTAND JUST HOW HILARIOUS SOME OF THE " JOHNNY COME LATELY LETS ALL BUILD  OUR CARS THE SAME SO WE CAN HOLD HANDS WITH EACH OTHER WHILE WE CRITICIZE ANY WHO DON'T BUILD " JUST LIKE WE THINK YOU SHOULD " . 
          SO WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE LATE FORTIES / EARLY FIFTIES LAKES STYLE HOT RODS WITH THE " I WAS THERE " LOOK ABOUT  ANYWAY ?????????? 
                                  WELL THAT'S IT SIMPLY PUT   , THE " I WAS THERE " LOOK. 
    YOU SEE WE NEVER REALLY THOUGHT " PATINA " .  FOR US IT'S NOT AND NEVER BEEN ABOUT MAKING OUR HOT RODS LOOK WORN OUT OR WHAT EVER LOOK PATINA IS SUPPOSED TO BE . 
    NOW WE ARE BIG FANS OF THE HAMB AND APPRECIATE THE HUGH AMOUNT OF WORK IT TAKES TO PROVIDE CAR GUYS AND GALS A PLACE TO EXCHANGE IDEAS AND A SOURCE OF VALUABLE INFORMATION .  
   WE HAVE NOTICED HOWEVER THAT THE INTERNET ALSO IS A GREAT PLACE TO " GROW A SET OF BALLS " FOR THOSE WHO MAY NOT OTHER WISE HAVE ANY .
     IN THE PAST OLE MR. BONES HAS TAKEN GREAT PLEASURE IN JABBING THE BEE HIVE WITH A STICK . SOME MAY REMEMBER WHEN WE POSTED THE " UNBELIEVABLE JUNK YARD FIND " . WE PHOTOGRAPH RICHIE'S THREE WINDOW IN A LINE OF CARS IN A JUNK YARD WITH WHAT WE THOUGHT WAS A HUMOROUS STORY THAT WOULD BRING A SMILE .THE WORD UNBELIEVABLE BEING KEY IN THE TITLE . THE RESPONSE IN MANY WAYS SURPRISED  AND ENTERTAINED TO THE DELIGHT OF MANY AND THE COMPLETE RABID PANTY TWISTING OF OTHERS. THEN OF COURSE THERE WAS THE " COOKIE CUTTER AND BORING POST ABOUT OUR CARS WHICH MR. BONES DELIGHTED IN STIRRING UP AND MUCH APPRECIATED THE RESPONSES OF THOSE WHO JOINED IN  RESULTING IN THE SUDDEN SILENCE OF THE TESTICULAR  DEPRIVED ,  ( that's some funny reading if you get a chance search it on the hamb under rolling bones ).   
    WE KNOW THERE IS NO NEED TO EXPLAIN OUR HOT RODS . WE KNOW IF YOUR READING THIS YOUR ON THE PIT CREW AND THEREFOR  " GET IT ". 
    EVERY MONTH UNLESS ONE OF YOU GUYS AND GALS WOULD LIKE  TO CLIMB UP ON THE SOAP BOX WHICH WE WELCOME , MR. BONES USES THIS PERCH TO SPOUT  OFF SO FINALLY AFTER ALL THE ABOVE DIATRIBE TO THE POINT.
                                                  WHAT ARE THE ROLLING BONES HOT RODS ABOUT
   FIRST AND FOREMOST ANY THING , A DRAWING , A PAINTING , A BUILDING , A SCULPTURE OR A " HOT ROD "   IN ORDER FOR IT TO HAVE THE  " IT "  THAT ELUSIVE QUALITY WHICH NEEDS NO EXPLANATION MUST START WITH THE BASICS OF GOOD PROPORTION . 
  FOR THE ROLLING BONES , US , LINE AND PROPORTION ARE THE STARTING POINT. THE STANCE . THE RELATIONSHIP OF THE WHEELS TO THE BODY , THE ABSENCE OF OPPOSING LINES TO THE FORWARD MOTION THE GIVES HOT RODS THAT " GOING A HUNDRED WHILE SITTING STILL " LOOK . THE MAKING IT APPEAR CLEAN AND SIMPLE  ELIMINATING BRACKETS THAT STOP YOUR EYE IT'S ALL PART OF IT AND I SUPPOSE THOSE WHO ADHERE TO THE RULE BOOK ARE OK WITH THAT EVEN IF OUR HOT RODS DON'T HAVE ALL THE NEWEST MUST HAVE NITTI  - NOTTI'S .
    BUT THEN COMES THE PAINT . YUP THAT'S THE KICKER . WHY DON'T YOU PUT A NICE PAINT JOB ON THEM ?
                  WE HAVE MORE THAN ONCE HAD IT EXPLAINED TO US THAT GOING THROUGH THE TROUBLE OF BUILDING A HOT ROD THAT EMULATES THE PERIOD OF THE POST WAR HOT RODS AND LAKES RACING  AND NOT GIVING IT A " NICE " PAINT JOB IS EVERYTHING FROM STUPID , TO GAY , TO AN ALMOST MOUTH DROOLING RABID " THAT'S  JUST NOT THE WAY IT'S DONE " .
     AT THAT POINT THERE'S NO POINT IN TRYING TO EXPLAIN THAT TO GO THROUGH THE PROCESS OF BUILDING A HOT ROD THAT REPRESENTS THE PERIOD OF TIME WHEN HOT RODS WERE BUILT IN YOUR BACKYARD GARAGE , DRIVEN TO WORK MONDAY THROUGH FRIDAY AND RACED ON THE LAKES ON THE WEEKEND ONLY TO  CHROME IT UP AND COVER IT IN SHINNY PERFECT PAINT JUST MISSES THE ENTIRE POINT. THE PAINT IS JUST THE FINAL PIECE OF THE PUZZLE . 
                                    WHEN YOU LOOK AT A BONES HOT ROD WE WANT YOU TO SEE A TIME MACHINE .
     IT'S 1946 YOUR BEHIND THE WHEEL STARING OVER THE LOUVERED HOOD READY TO KICK UP SOME ROOSTER TAILS ON EL - MIRAGE . IT'S 1952 ONE EYE ON THE STARTER THE OTHER STARING DOWN THAT LONG WHITE PATH , WAITING FOR THE STARTER TO POINT TOWARDS FLOATING MOUNTAIN AND SAY THE COURSE IS YOUR . IT'S A FRIDAY NIGHT DURING THE SUMMER OF 1954 YOUR GIRL IS SITTING NEXT TO YOU  THE ENGINE JUST PURRRRRR'S  AS IT BREATHS IN THE COOL NIGHT AIR WHILE DRIVE INTO THE NIGHT. YOUR HUNTIN' THOSE 55 CHEVY'S JUST TO LET EM KNOW THE FLATHEAD IS STILL KING  ON A  SATURDAY NIGHT IN 1955 . IT'S ALL OF THOSE AND MORE . IT'S A TIME MACHINE THAT WILL TAKE YOU ANYWHERE AS FAR AND AS FAST AS YOUR IMAGINATION WANTS TO GO. 
                                                                                  NOW THINK ABOUT IT ,
SITTING THERE IN FRONT OF YOU IS A BONES HOT ROD . IT COULD HAVE A SHINNY BLACK PAINT JOB AND LOTS OF BEAUTIFUL CHROME ALL DRESSED UP WITH NO PLACE TO GO.
                                                     OR
  SOMEWHERE IN YOUR CLOSET IS THAT PAIR OF OLD BROKEN IN JEANS AND THOSE COMFORTABLE SHOES. GRAB A WHITE TEE SHIRT ROLL UP THE SLEEVES AND JUMP IN A BONES HOT ROD . 
                                                         SHE'LL TAKE YOU ANY WHERE YOU WANT TO GO 
 
  ROLLING BONES HOT ROD SHOP PIT CREW APRIL 2012  

518.893.2646 Shop 9-5 EST M-F
                        
rollingboneshotrodshop@gmail.com